SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
