Dual....:-)
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
