Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
