but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Randomize
