You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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