It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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