I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
