I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
