I wish I could punch you in the face.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
