I could make wine with my vomit
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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