I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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