Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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