hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
