CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I would ride that face into the sunset
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
