Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.

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(360): View more from Washington

Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".

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(975): View more from Missouri

At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.

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(562): View more from California

guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".

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(850): View more from Florida

Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

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(516): View more from New York

Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.

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