the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
