I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
