did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize