he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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