So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
