I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
