I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
