Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize