i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
