you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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