Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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