You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
