I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
