JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
