Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
