I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
