i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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