Pappa wants mamma naked
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
