If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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