it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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