I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
