So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
