how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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