u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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