I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
