This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
