he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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