Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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