So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
