I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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