so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
