I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize