I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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