I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
