I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
