Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well you can't waste a boner
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
