my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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