I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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