Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were trust falling into bushes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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