So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
