I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
