dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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