so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
