The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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