I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
