Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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