I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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