Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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