i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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