I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
