Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
