There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
