YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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