her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
