I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
