And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
