Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
