I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize